I
1 I want a hero: an uncommon want,
2 When every year and month sends forth a new one,
3 Till, after cloying the gazettes with cant,
4 The age discovers he is not the true one;
5 Of such as these I should not care to vaunt,
6 I’ll therefore take our ancient friend Don Juan,
7 We all have seen him, in the pantomime,
8 Sent to the Devil somewhat ere his time.
II
9 Vernon, the butcher Cumberland, Wolfe, Hawke,
10 Prince Ferdinand, Granby, Burgoyne, Keppel, Howe,
11 Evil and good, have had their tithe of talk,
12 And filled their sign-posts then, like Wellesley now;
13 Each in their turn like Banquo’s monarchs stalk,
14 Followers of fame, “nine farrow” of that sow:
15 France, too, had Buonaparté and Dumourier
16 Recorded in the Moniteur and Courier.
III
17 Barnave, Brissot, Condorcet, Mirabeau,
18 Pétion, Clootz, Danton, Marat, La Fayette
19 Were French, and famous people, as we know;
20 And there were others, scarce forgotten yet,
21 Joubert, Hoche, Marceau, Lannes, Desaix, Moreau,
22 With many of the military set,
23 Exceedingly remarkable at times,
24 But not at all adapted to my rhymes.
IV
25 Nelson was once Britannia’s god of War,
26 And still should be so, but the tide is turn’d;
27 There’s no more to be said of Trafalgar,
28 ‘Tis with our hero quietly inurn’d;
29 Because the army’s grown more popular,
30 At which the naval people are concern’d;
31 Besides, the Prince is all for the land-service,
32 Forgetting Duncan, Nelson, Howe, and Jervis.
V
33 Brave men were living before Agamemnon
34 And since, exceeding valorous and sage,
35 A good deal like him too, though quite the same none;
36 But then they shone not on the poet’s page,
37 And so have been forgotten: I condemn none,
38 But can’t find any in the present age
39 Fit for my poem (that is, for my new one);
40 So, as I said, I’ll take my friend Don Juan.
VI
41 Most epic poets plunge “in medias res”
42 (Horace makes this the heroic turnpike road),
43 And then your hero tells, whene’er you please,
44 What went before–by way of episode,
45 While seated after dinner at his ease,
46 Beside his mistress in some soft abode,
47 Palace, or garden, paradise, or cavern,
48 Which serves the happy couple for a tavern.
VII
49 That is the usual method, but not mine–
50 My way is to begin with the beginning;
51 The regularity of my design
52 Forbids all wandering as the worst of sinning,
53 And therefore I shall open with a line
54 (Although it cost me half an hour in spinning),
55 Narrating somewhat of Don Juan’s father,
56 And also of his mother, if you’d rather. …
CC
1593 My poem’s epic, and is meant to be
1594 Divided in twelve books; each book containing,
1595 With love, and war, a heavy gale at sea,
1596 A list of ships, and captains, and kings reigning,
1597 New characters; the episodes are three:
1598 A panoramic view of Hell’s in training,
1599 After the style of Virgil and of Homer,
1600 So that my name of Epic’s no misnomer.
CCI
1601 All these things will be specified in time,
1602 With strict regard to Aristotle’s rules,
1603 The Vade Mecum of the true sublime,
1604 Which makes so many poets, and some fools:
1605 Prose poets like blank-verse, I’m fond of rhyme,
1606 Good workmen never quarrel with their tools;
1607 I’ve got new mythological machinery,
1608 And very handsome supernatural scenery.
CCII
1609 There’s only one slight difference between
1610 Me and my epic brethren gone before,
1611 And here the advantage is my own, I ween,
1612 (Not that I have not several merits more,
1613 But this will more peculiarly be seen);
1614 They so embellish, that ’tis quite a bore
1615 Their labyrinth of fables to thread through,
1616 Whereas this story’s actually true.
CCIII
1617 If any person doubt it, I appeal
1618 To history, tradition, and to facts,
1619 To newspapers, whose truth all know and feel,
1620 To plays in five, and operas in three acts;
1621 All these confirm my statement a good deal,
1622 But that which more completely faith exacts
1623 Is, that myself, and several now in Seville,
1624 Saw Juan’s last elopement with the Devil.
CCIV
1625 If ever I should condescend to prose,
1626 I’ll write poetical commandments, which
1627 Shall supersede beyond all doubt all those
1628 That went before; in these I shall enrich
1629 My text with many things that no one knows,
1630 And carry precept to the highest pitch:
1631 I’ll call the work “Longinus o’er a Bottle,
1632 Or, Every Poet his own Aristotle.”
CCV
1633 Thou shalt believe in Milton, Dryden, Pope;
1634 Thou shalt not set up Wordsworth, Coleridge, Southey;
1635 Because the first is craz’d beyond all hope,
1636 The second drunk, the third so quaint and mouthy:
1637 With Crabbe it may be difficult to cope,
1638 And Campbell’s Hippocrene is somewhat drouthy:
1639 Thou shalt not steal from Samuel Rogers, nor
1640 Commit–flirtation with the muse of Moore.
CCVI
1641 Thou shalt not covet Mr. Sotheby’s Muse,
1642 His Pegasus, nor anything that’s his;
1643 Thou shalt not bear false witness like “the Blues”
1644 (There’s one, at least, is very fond of this);
1645 Thou shalt not write, in short, but what I choose:
1646 This is true criticism, and you may kiss–
1647 Exactly as you please, or not–the rod;
1648 But if you don’t, I’ll lay it on, by God!
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Link will appear as Hanson, Marilee. "Don Juan: Canto the First – Lord Byron Poems" https://englishhistory.net/byron/poems/don-juan-canto-the-first/, March 6, 2015